Mostly Michelle Marie

I have been struggling with a wide variety of issues, both imagined (things that MIGHT happen and things that MIGHT NOT) and real, that have caused me to slowly lull myself into a state of self-pity, depression and endless scrolling on social media, as if the answer is hidden there, although I know it isn’t. Maybe it’s just a placeholder for me to feel as though I’m actively searching for an answer or that someone out there will say the one thing that will make the proverbial light bulb go off above my head and thus lead me to an answer and within that answer, the peace and serenity I so desperately seek.

The problem, one of many, is that those who are seeking answers are seeking answers to their questions and their lives and I need to find answers that apply to my life, my burning questions and vast empty uncharted spaces that experiences have yet to fill and wisdom is a life yet unborn. I need to do the thing that allows for growth; let go of what keeps me comfortable and empty my hands to receive what I need. This gift will test me, certainly cause me discomfort and possibly even real, true pain. This is not a side effect of the gift, this is the gift.

This is the way of growth and evolving; we no longer act like a child because we are no longer a child. We must surrender the toys and teddy bears of our childhood in order to heal and grow beyond what that child needed and what made that child feel safe. We are adults now and as such, capable of understanding our power and finding our voice. The catch is letting go of that fear just long enough to grab a tiny sliver of bravery and a string of hope and leave the place where nothing grows to set forth on a journey in search of the place where nothing is ever truly gone and what has died will be reborn.

My dear cynical self, you once said that hope was for fools and weak minded souls who needed something to believe in when an intelligent person would plainly, logically see that all was indeed lost. How wrong you were and how deeply that believe sabotaged your chances of happiness!

Hope is the rainbow after the flood, the first bloom of spring, the first love after heartbreak; it is the human spirit reaching for its creator, its home and its truest form. Hope is the drive to overcome, to believe not only in oneself, but in the collective self. Hope drives poor men to rise from desperation and never stop climbing. It is the fuel that builds kingdoms and break through barriers, navigate hazards and stay on course until they can dive into their vaults of gold coin like Olympic swimmers in training. Hope gives the anxious a steady hand and slows their racing heart with thoughts of comfort and gives grace to those who feel as though they are slowly being consumed by quicksand of regret and ever-increasing apathy. Hope is the bird that sings to the lonely, gives light to those wrapped in darkness and delivers love on wings across the miles, across time itself. Hope is love and faith and a little bit of magic, all blended together in perfect order. You see now, dear cynic, you are not such a cynic after all; perhaps more of a unrealized romantic?

I know things have been hitting you hard lately and I know the world around you is in turmoil and divide, once again. I know that all seems lost, once again. I know that you are ready to call it a loss and lay down like a possum and play dead, in the hopes you’ll wake up and find it was only a bad dream brought on by an aggressively spiced pastrami sandwich you ate after drinking all night on an empty stomach. Sadly, this is not the case.

So seriously, let’s just figure out how we can climb out of this pit of despair and walk our happy self somewhere nicer.

I love you, but you really need to get out of your own way, child. I know you think you are always right and in some instances, you are. But growth and happiness and realization of your gifts and finding your place in this wackadoodle world isn’t about being right or being the best; it’s about doing the hard work, putting in the time and sacrificing whatever needs to be sacrificed in order to achieve those goals. Also, tons of love, taking care of you and giving grace when you do things that humans do and think things that some humans think. For better or worse, we are the only company we are guaranteed to have every single minute of every single day for the rest of our lives. Let’s figure out how to figure this out.

So, suck it up, buttercup. Let’s do this!

Love,

MM&I