The Committee That Is Me, Michelle Marie

We have a mask we all take turns wearing when the one who is us is too tired to be caring. -the Committee

Photo by Joanne Reed on

An archer who’s aim is heavenward bent shall not stoop to a low nor evil intent.

There is a committee inside my head that consists of multiple versions of that person who you know as me.

There is the Boss Lady, who gets us out of bed in the morning, keeps us from getting too comfortable and is generally Large and In Charge. She sets goals, makes lists and prioritizes everything. She’s methodical, responsible and honorable. She takes absolutely zero crap from anyone.

Then there’s Baby M, little kid who loves to chase butterflies, eat ice cream for dinner and color with her crayons all day long, who brings light and goodness and an innocence that to the rest of us is lost. She gives us all unconditional love, tells us to stop and watch the bees and smell the flowers, dance to the music that only we can hear. She heals the hurts, loves away the sadness and lets us remember we were once that pure and good.

Thirdly and not in any order of importance or favorite status, comes the Worst Case Scenario planner. She’s like a wedding planner except instead of a wedding, it’s the End of the World. She is always light years ahead, scouting the possibilities, looking for mine fields and anticipating sneak attacks and natural disasters with equal importance. She is a chess player, a strategist, a war general, a diplomat and an ambassador for the rest of us. A liaison to the stuff the rest of us turn and run from or stand shaking in our shoes, paralyzed by the threat, made numb by the fear.

Fourth, there is Momma Michelle. She is Mother Earth, all loving and caring, but don’t mess with her and don’t mess with those she loves. She will unleash the wrath that only a Mother can wield and all who behold it can fear. She is champion of the underdog, seer of the unseen, empathetic to the extreme and beholden to her heart, first and foremost. This one is a homage to all the strong women who have loved me; my own mother, grandmothers and aunts, sisters and Other Mothers Always. She is a rock, an anchor and a tether to keep us from flying off into the darkness, lost and unable to find our way back. She is our North Star, our Inner Voice of Truth, our Absolute Source of Unconditional Love, always. She is Sagittarius.

Lastly, there is the Joker, the Comic Relief, the Crazy Cat Lady, the Blurt It Out and Just Say It, No Impulse Control/No Filter Here, direct and mostly politically incorrect rabble rouser who loves dive bars, dancing her face off, fist fights and cussing up a blue streak for no reason whatsoever. This fun-loving soul will kiss a man in the middle of the street at 2:00 in the morning, even though she doesn’t know his name, only that she loves his energy, his heart and well, let’s be honest, he’s hotter than a ghost pepper chili and can dance like Fred Astaire, so yeah. Let the good times roll! 

There are little bits and pieces within the Committee, but these are the primary players in my head. Do I think that I have multiple personalities? No, not in the clinical sense, but I do feel a shift when I’m faced with a situation or person that is going to be difficult in some sense and I’m exhausted, either emotionally or physically or both, someone else takes the wheel. I don’t need to explain it to those who understand and those who don’t understand, no amount of explanation will suffice.

Maybe it’s my guardian angels that form my committee; maybe they appear to me as me so that I feel I can trust them, I know them and they are going to help me navigate it all.

Maybe it’s just my overly active, creative mind created this all a long time ago to help me when I was too young to help myself.

No one will ever know and it doesn’t really matter because I’m looking at celebrating my 54th birthday next month and I never thought I would see 21, so I’d say it’s a blessing and a miracle in equal measures.

From all of us to all of you, I’m so thankful to have you in my life and to know and love you. Thank you for your readership, your friendship and your continued support. We wouldn’t be here without you.

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