I’m not sure if I have told you before how much I love and admire P!nk/Pink aka Alecia Moore, but it borders on over the top. She is strong, physically and emotionally, fierce in her love, righteous in her mission to BRING IT, whatever IT happens to be. Whether she’s performing, being in the public eye, being in a relationship, she is always 100% REAL and never lets the Haters win. She is the champion of the underdog, a role model for those who don’t see role models that they can relate to, who look like them, feel like them; confused, angry, let down, left alone and scared. I have danced along, cried and laughed in equal measure to the soundtrack of her journey. Her evolution continues to fascinate and inspire me and she just never disappoints, because what she sings about, what she writes about is her life, her struggles and her growth. Her latest album contains the song, “All I Know So Far” (which is also the name of a documentary, which I highly recommend but have not had the chance to watch yet) and as soon as I heard it, I felt it in my soul and it felt like Truth.

And when the storm’s out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you’ll be proud of that skin full of scars
That’s all I know so far
That’s all I know so far

Put your sword down, dive right into the pain.

That. Those words. That message. Stop fighting, child. The pain will be there always until you stop fighting and experience it. It won’t go away, it won’t evaporate or fade away with time and lack of attention. Quite the opposite – it will grow like mold in a dark, damp basement whether anyone knows it’s there or not. Inattention is the active ingredient and you’ve been feeding it your whole life. Denial of pain and fighting away the ghosts of trauma past will not provide a calm, loving environment for your soul, nor will it deliver peace of any kind, ever. My dad always used to say, “Choose your battles wisely” and I believe that’s good advice. No need to go all Don Quixote on every single little thing that happens, chasing windmills and catching nothing worth keeping.

Long story somewhat short, I know that the messages I need to hear will find me in a multitude of ways, music being one of the oldest and most common ways I can hear the answer to the questions swirling around in my head and the ones that weigh heavy on my heart and cast a shadow on my soul. This song brings so much to me, so much wisdom and experience, given freely with love and without shame or apology. She has grown to love the angry young girl who didn’t feel loved or perhaps worthy of love; I can relate.

This sword is getting heavy and I’m tired of fighting against what cannot be fought, only accepted with grace and with love. A swan dive into the pain/acceptance and let the healing begin.

We are worthy of love, every single one of us from others and most of all, from ourselves. Yet that seems to be the hardest to love for some, myself included. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and continue to try until we truly, honestly and without apology, love who we were, who we currently are and who we will ultimately become.

That’s all I know so far.