Hello everyone and I hope this finds you as safe as can be, as sane as possible and more than a little hopeful that we’ll get through this. My heart goes out to all; we have all been impacted in many ways, none of which are greater or lesser than others. Some have family members and loved ones they have lost to this virus while others are enduring the torture of having to see them struggle for each breath, praying for their pain to end, but not wanting to lose them and hoping for a miracle that would save them and restore them to good health.
Whether you have children at home, are working from home, both or neither, we are all Going Through Some Stuff. Everyone will cope in different ways and one day may be exactly like the other or no two days will be anything alike. The important thing to remember is that it’s all about us as roommates on Planet Earth. We’ve been less than stellar tenants to Mother Earth. I just wanted to strike home the point that even if you don’t know your neighbor or their name, the same rain will fall on their roof as yours. If a fire starts at their place, your home is potentially in danger, as well as the other houses on the street. We cannot continue to think as individuals or believe that we are someone delegated to groups based on whatever asinine sorting method was selected by some asinine individual. We are human, individually and collectively, whether we wear blue skin with yellow hair and red eyes or green skin with scales and glowing ass cheeks, it doesn’t matter!!!
Connected, it’s what we are.
This wasn’t intended to be a post about the virus and the suppositions as to how, why, who, etc. This is a post about being human during a most extraordinary time in history having an all-inclusive experience. We are all experiencing it in our own way with our own coping skills and whatever creativity we channel to make the experience tolerable. We are incredibly lucky/blessed/fortunate to have Zoom, FaceTime and other technology to be able to “see” those we miss. We have our familiars (some would call them pets or fur babies) cats and dogs and dragon lizards and rats and hamsters and tarantulas; those animals, reptiles and insects (?) who are our constant companions, our soul friends. They are goodness and light, unconditional love in its purest form. I miss my little Neko especially now, when I know I need him the most.
When dealing with stress, unpleasantness and/or any other emotion or sensation I have always sought the escape through numbing route. Alcohol, marijuana and pills were the typical, most available way for me to not feel. I’ve talked about this before, but if you’re new to the blog or to me, I will sum it up for you by saying that from the time I was 13 years old until now, I have spent a total of 2 years sober. I’m horrible at math but even I know that’s a very small percentage of my life to date.
Hence the title of the post; I have enrolled in a virtual (due to the times mentioned previously) IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) that my psych doctor recommended. I will go in to test periodically and will have a program to follow with video group meetings and all the other aspects of treatment.
This will be my fourth time, if I’m counting right and it doesn’t really matter as far as how many times it takes. It’s the going that’s important. A great excuse for an addict to continue to use, is that they’ve tried rehab and it didn’t work. If Amy Winehouse had sang about rehab in a positive light, she may still be alive today, writing more gorgeous lyrics and evolving into the artist that time and experience would have crafted. Perhaps a whole bunch of troubled souls may have seen that it can and does work and their lives would be different, too.
All I know is Ms. Winehouse is a cautionary tale and that song speaks directly to me. She is one of many that keep presenting to me the Ghosts of Christmas Future in many forms at many different places I’ve been, figuratively and literally. Her light was so bright, she was successful and she was loved by millions but that wasn’t enough to save her.
I want to be able to reach my potential, realize my dreams and slay my demons.
I want to be clear, focused and live fully, feeling the good and the bad and every flavor in between.
I want to cry sad tears, dry those tears and laugh so hard I make myself cry again, with happy tears instead.
I want to see bright eyes when I look in the mirror in the morning.
I want to love who I see when I look in the mirror.
I want to rise and shine.
Hug yourself from me. Give yourself a special bit of kindness today, whatever that may be.
Love and light from me to you!